I have only one God. He is like a friend to me. He is a “he” because maybe I’m a girl and I find Him being a “him”, more comforting, I’m not sure. But I have only one God. There are many religions in this world and many Gods, too. Within India itself there are hundreds of deities. A different God for every area. To each their own, of course, but I have only one God.
I’m unsure of how many share the same philosophy as me. Nevertheless, I’ll type mine out. God, for me, is a consolation, a support, a confidante and many times, a scapegoat. Everything that needs to be done in reality, is obviously in our own hands. If I don’t go to the loo, well, no one can do it for me (unless there is a catheter involved, but let’s ignore that). This is a small scale example. Let’s say, there is an examination. Now, I do pray. I pray that the exam must go well, that it should be an easy paper, that I should make it through. I pray to God for all of this. But I know very well that if I do not attempt the paper, myself, no God can help me. I am still practical and am aware that I exist in reality. The divine, is just a taker of my anxiety and a form of solace. So now, if I am aware that the paper set is not in my hands and it will be easy, I’ll pass, only if I have studied, then why do I pray? I pray to ease my responsibilities. Yes, it is selfish of me. But that helps me perform better. I can be the person who takes it up all on herself; there are such people who sincerely believe that they make their own destiny, that it isn’t in anyone else’s hands, but I prefer giving the responsibility to someone else. And if things go wrong, I can place the blame on Him, just till I can cope with the fact that I screwed up.
Don’t judge me. I’m just human. If I say I hand over responsibility, I’m not stating I become nonchalant of my own work. NO! I give off my anxiety, I let Him be anxious for me. That’s all. As I said before, He is my friend, I confide my fears in Him and it gets taken care of. Pardon me if I haven’t conveyed the picture well, but I hope you at least got the gist.
So, understanding? Well, I visited a temple today. It is an Annual tradition in my family. Visiting this one temple on the 12th of June, every year. I have many things to be thankful for, so went to give thanks to God. A deity. I am not mentioning any names of the Gods because I have only one God. I just visited a form of His, in stone. The thanks are in order after many ups and downs, and finally almost making through them all. I have been scared and have been praying that things work out for years now. Well, I have been given what I need, not what I want, but that’s how He works. I was and am practical. I worked very hard these past years, but now, after placing blame on failures despite successes, I have coped with the situation. Anyway, I gave thanks for helping me cross the hurdle this past week. But I realized, I have nothing to pray for anymore. I have exhausted myself. It is always the same thing and now I feel like, He knows already, what’s the point!? So I find myself standing in front of God, half-heartedly. It is sad. It isn’t like I have no faith. How much ever I tell you that I do things myself and God is just a confidante, I do believe that there are coincidences in life, there is something called destiny and God’s grace is important for things to succeed. Maybe I am a hypocrite, but I believe the above. Everything involves a little luck and it is God’s grace that helps you through it. It is 99.9% ones own work, true. But it is 0.1% his help… Hope you get the gist of what I am saying.
So, anyway, I stood there, today, half-heartedly again. Not knowing what to say. But I decided that I must make an effort for my friend. So I did. I thanked Him, I prayed that everything works out well and that He never leaves my side.
So, where does the understanding come into the picture? You see, when I was younger, I noticed how I thought of God only when I was troubled. I would forget to thank Him for the good times, would never think of Him then. I felt guilty. Though now I do remember to thank Him even for the good because as twisted as it sounds, my troubles, if dealt with, become my good, today. Anyway, I felt very guilty so I decided that God and I have an understanding. If I forget Him, a little trouble is His way of making me remember Him. A subtle hint that I need to think of Him. It is a good system. We have a wonderful understanding. So ever since, if things go wrong, I consider it as a pinch from Him to make me think of Him. Albeit the system does hurt once in a while, but hey, life’s not fair either, then why should God be?
P. S. The images above are of the temples I visited in Kerala, back in 2013. Today’s temple resembles the same, sort of. The typical lamps, when lit, look exquisite at night. The solitary figure in the third image is Dad, wearing the dress code for men at the temple. I do not remember the names of these temples but will ask my parents and update the same soon. Serenity at its best! Hope to have a continued understanding! Happy praying! 🙂